This year on the Good Dads blog, we’ve examined many ways dads can be good communicators to their partners and children. But as we all know, the world is much larger than just our immediate families, and fathers need to keep open lines of communication with other adults in your child’s life. These are people like teachers and coaches—trusted grown-ups who can help you stay informed about your child’s growth, development and behavior. Perhaps the most important way for dads to ensure their child is happy and healthy is through regular checkups with their child’s pediatrician.
How can dads better prepare for their child’s checkup? How can dads keep their children healthy, both physically and mentally? Why is communication crucial in a child’s development?
This week, Good Dads spoke with Dr. Angela Collins, a pediatrician of 20 years and a mother of three. She provides advice for more effective communication between co-parents and their children’s pediatrician. Keep reading for more insights!
What does your pediatrician need to know?
There are two main things Dr. Collins (and many other pediatricians) want to know each appointment: whether a child is safe and whether they’re reaching the age-appropriate developmental milestones. Doctors’ appointments don’t have to be scary! It’s a great time to share (and even show off) exciting developments in your child’s life.
To be best prepared for an upcoming visit, Dr. Collins says to have three things ready to go:
- Your child’s vaccine records
- Information any medicines they are taking
- Any questions you and your child have
Knowing details about your children is also important, especially if there’s a developmental screening at the visit.
The most common question Dr. Collins has heard from kids?
“Am I getting shots?” she said. “The ‘worry’ about shots is worse than the actual shot!”
Dr. Collins says dads can play a special role in helping their child through appointments. She says if your child is afraid of shots, there’s no issue with not letting your child know until the actual appointment that they’ll be getting one, so they don’t spend days beforehand worrying.
Letting your child know that it’ll just be a pinch helps, too. Some dads might be squeamish around needles, and that’s okay!
“If you don’t want to stick around for the shot, (Dad) can be the rescuer at the end,” she continued. “Having something fun afterwards (stickers, lollipops and other prizes) helps, too.”
When in doubt, write it down
An unfortunate and unfair stereotype attributed to dads is that they’re “clueless” when it comes to their child. At times, Dr. Collins encounters this firsthand when dads bring their children in for a checkup.
Questions like what their child is eating and drinking or what their sleep schedule is like are met with a shrug and an “I don’t know,” from Dad.
“Men and women are wired differently,” Dr. Collins explained. “It’s okay to be different, but it’s important to pay attention to some details!”
This by no means applies to all dads! Dr. Collins said many dads are on top of things when it comes to their child. She describes raising kiddos together with her husband as a big job that needs lots of attention to detail, teamwork and communication.
“If you’re invested and involved, pay attention,” she continued. “Good communication comes when you’re not distracted.”
She added that it’s harder to communicate—to truly pay attention and remember details—in the face of distractions like smartphones. She suggests writing details down while communicating with your children’s mother to ensure you are both on the same page about your child’s health.
“Find a time and a place where you’re not distracted by kids, technology or work,” she said. “Being intentional about sitting down and communicating without distractions is super important.”
Utilize your strengths as a dad
Dr. Collins says that fathers are indispensable when it comes to raising their children. There’s a misconception that moms are the sole nurturers or caregivers, but fathers have a crucial role in the growth process, too!
“It’s a team effort,” she said. “Both Mom and Dad have strengths and weaknesses.”
Take a moment and consider your strengths as a dad. How can you utilize those strengths to your advantage when raising your child? Dr. Collins said not to underestimate your job; you’re assisting in the growth of a human being, which is no small feat!
Consistency is key
No matter what your parenting situation or style looks like, Dr. Collins says staying consistent allows your child to thrive. Consistent reactions, consequences and rules from both parents also prevents confusion.
To illustrate her point, Dr. Collins told a story about inconsistent potty training. When kiddo is with Mom, he uses the potty, but when he’s with Dad, he wears a pull-up.
Another example she’s encountered is sleep schedules. If Mom lets the kiddo stay up late watching TV, but Dad has a strict bedtime for her, it can create unneeded confusion for the child!
“Behavior and discipline are something a parent has to figure out,” she said. “When we’re not consistent, it prolongs the situation.”
Consistent parenting styles makes life easier for everyone in the family!
When children know what to expect from their parents, they feel more secure and confident. They feel safe in routines and family rituals, like setting the table before dinner or reading a chapter of a book at bedtime. And this point about consistency is certainly true about discipline and correction, too. If your child knows that a behavior (hitting, talking back, or what have you) has consequences, they can more easily understand the behavior is undesirable.
Keeping your kiddos healthy
All good dads want their children to be happy and healthy. Dr. Collins says one of the biggest factors affecting both physical and mental health is screen time. She recommends fewer than two hours screen time a day for kiddos under age two and no screentime for little ones under two.
Dads can play a central role in their child’s development by, as Dr. Collins puts it, “playing the good old-fashioned way.”
“Reading and singing nursery rhymes really helps with (your child’s) development, especially with their ability to read later on,” she said.
For kids of any age, Dr. Collins says to get outside and play. As a dad, you can lead the charge!
“Kids are good at playing, but you’ve gotta take them outside,” she said. “Find a safe place to play, go for a walk and do something physical instead of just sitting around.”
Final Words
Kids will grow at their own pace. It’s up to dads to work together with their co-parents as a team, pay attention to details and communicate clearly to ensure happy, healthy kids. Regular check-ups are a part of that healthy lifestyle.
“You’re doing a huge job of raising a human being,” Dr. Collins said. “It’s a big job that needs lots of attention. Moms and dads have strengths, and we need each other to work together.”
There is so much to learn about child health that we can’t cover in just one blog. Learn more with trusted resources like “What to Expect” books and healthychildren.org.
