One of my favorite quotes is: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” What a true statement!
Being in education for 20+ years, I’ve certainly seen this phrase played out. For years I’ve watched in amazement when a new student comes to the school—and how quickly they gravitate to like-minded people. Birds of a feather tend to flock together. As a parent, making sure that your kids are around the right people is so important.
I don’t think parents are disengaged when it comes to knowing their kids’ friends, but I do think it takes a lot of work to ensure your kids are around the right kids. Here are a few rules I try to live by when helping my kids navigate the world of friendship.
- Parents do know best: Trust your instincts and wisdom. You are the parent. Don’t worry about your approval rating. Care that you are training your child up for success in life.
- Start early: You set the ground rules for children hanging out with friends at a young age. As soon as they start interacting with new friends, you must be aware.
- Get to know the parents: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” It’s another long-lasting phrase, and it is true. Kids tend to be like their parents. If you have concerns about the parents, then your kids being under their supervision should not be allowed. Set boundaries and stick to them.
- More is caught than taught: What kind of people do you hang around with? If parents hang around poor influences, then your kids will do the same.
- Look for warning signs: A revolving door of close friends can be an issue. To have good friends, you’ve got to be a good friend in return. Before you blame your preteen’s friends, make sure you have examined your own child’s behaviors.
Parenting is hard work. As a dad, if you find that you’ve traded in difficult for easy, you may have set yourself up for more complications than you initially anticipated. Of course, the goal is to not make it complicated. When you make the easy-out decision all the time, parenting can quickly get complicated and messy. As dads, we can help our children have good friends and be good friends by doing two important things.
- Love their mom. Whether you are still married or not together; love and respect your children’s mother.
- Love people. Show compassion and respect for people.
LEARN MORE: E530 | Parent Involvement in Sports – Part One
As a leader, what we do in moderation our children will do in excess.
Recently, our son started communicating with some older students whom we didn’t know. We quickly noticed that his behavior was different and distant. He seemed withdrawn and very secretive. Instead of waiting it out, it was time to encourage a time-out from that budding friendship. Once we did that, it was like night and day. Not only did his behavior improve, but he became the same carefree kid he once was.
Although we are preparing preteens and teenagers for adulthood, they are still children, and we have to give them tools to navigate life. It’s okay to take their phone away, restrict friends and make them stay home and have a family dinner.
We have one shot at this parenting thing—and we’d better be intentional and involved.
About the Author
Frank Tristan has been teaching and coaching for the last 20 years and loves the opportunity to invest in young people. He and his wife Natalie were married in 2008 and have two children, Hays and Taylor. They are regularly involved in church and love experiencing new adventures with their family. As a dad and an educator, it is easy to see how important the role of a father is in raising successful young people. When dads lead well, generations are impacted. This passion has led Frank to work with the Good Dads organization to see more families and communities impacted for good.
