The world certainly seems to revolve around the almighty dollar. Money can be the make or break of relationships. Money talks—and it’s important that couples do, too! But how do you communicate money matters with each other?
Earlier this month, Good Dads founder and director, Dr. Jennifer Baker (who is also a licensed clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist), joined KY3 anchor Paul Adler in a Live Life Well segment to discuss a recent study from the University of Cincinnati. These researchers set out to explore how household income plays a role in partner satisfaction. The findings were very interesting: In fact, they found it’s not necessarily the amount of money a man earns that affects relationships, it’s the opinion of their partner that holds the most leverage in whether or not a relationship is satisfying.
Don’t miss this week’s Good Dads Communicators blog on the power of money and personal perceptions in relationships!
Money is never just money.
Sure, money makes the world go round, but it’s more than just a form of currency.
“Money is power… money is love… money is security… money is influence: It’s always connected to some other emotion or feeling,” Dr. Baker said. She even joked about an instance in her past when her husband asked how much they wanted to spend on buying presents for their children during the holidays. Dr. Baker responded, “How can you put a price on love?”
The bottom line: money is abstract!
Every relationship is unique: How well you work together as a team matters the most
During the segment, Adler and Dr. Baker discussed the way relationships and household dynamics have evolved. Back in the 1950s, the idealized version of a nuclear family typically involved a breadwinner father, who made of the household income, and a stay-at-home mother, who served as a homemaker and did the cooking and the cleaning.
This isn’t the dynamic in every household. A mother might make more than her partner in some households. Many dual-income couples have similar salaries. The University of Cincinnati study revealed that a man’s sense of fulfillment, both at work and at home, is aligned with how his partner viewed his job and income.
Dr. Baker said the indicators of satisfaction have to do with the priorities of both partners in a couple-relationship. She mentioned careers in both law enforcement and education, for example. While you won’t be making as much compared to other careers, you’re not likely to have arguments about money with your partner if they view your work as important and your priorities as meaningful.
Know and communicate your expectations.
“Money isn’t always the issue: It’s time,” Dr. Baker said.
Dad could be making a lot of money for the household, but if he’s unaware of his partner’s expectations, such as time spent with the kids or cleaning the house, it can lead to an unsatisfied relationship.
“Sometimes, you don’t realize your expectations,” Dr. Baker said.
Her advice for couples? “Meet the needs of important expectations and be willing to compromise.”
Expectations are both the “wants” and the “needs” that make up a relationship. The more these expectations are met, the more satisfied the relationship. Dr. Baker says it’s crucial to be aware of your expectations and share them with your partner. Your partner is not a mind-reader, after all!
What do I do if my partner and I aren’t seeing eye-to-eye?
If two partners aren’t on the same page when it comes to their expectations in the relationship, it can lead to strain. Even if you aren’t aligned, Dr. Baker says it’s helpful to remember that “it’s not hopeless.”
She suggests looking into couple counseling or relationship courses to determine what each person’s expectations are, and if there are shared goals. Dr. Baker used the example of different parenting styles. One parent may have a more authoritative style while the other one is gentle. While different, both parents likely share a common goal: wanting good things for their children. They just have to figure it out together.
If you find you and your partner aren’t on the same page about money or some other priority, we encourage you to check out our latest program: Good Dads Plus Us. This new program, which will serve fathers and their co-parents, is set to launch throughout Missouri this spring.
