Craig Groeschel, founder and senior pastor of Life.Church, said, “Raising adult children is harder than raising younger children.” I wholeheartedly agree. Parenting kids aged 17-25 can be particularly challenging for two main reasons: We must shift our roles as parents, and the pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, is not fully developed until around age 25. This makes it difficult for young adults to fully grasp the consequences of their choices.
When our children surpass age 25, we must adjust our approach to maintain a strong connection. This ongoing relationship sets the stage for their future lives. So, what are the keys to loving our adult children effectively?
Here are four ideas I followed as my children grew up. I borrow a lot of my parenting values from my faith, which is very important to me personally. But no matter your religious persuasion, these lessons learned will be valuable to any dad of young adults.
Keys to Loving Adult Children
- Unconditional Love
- Unconditional love for adult children often looks different than it does for younger kids. It isn’t just about making them happy; it involves doing what’s best for them.
- To love unconditionally, we can look to God’s guidance in Matthew 3:17: “This is my dearly loved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” We convey our unconditional love by expressing sentiments like:
- “You are my child, and I’m glad you are in my family.”
- “I love you unconditionally. It’s a decision we make, even when it’s hard.”
- “I am pleased with you.” Find specific things about your child to praise, as they may focus more on their faults. I have four daughters, each of whom brings me joy in different ways; I make it a point to recognize these unique qualities regularly.
- Walking Alongside Our Adult Children
- Adult children generally know our values; we don’t need to reiterate them. While we should offer advice when requested, our primary role is to be a supportive advocate as they navigate life’s complexities.
- My daughters have made decisions during their late teens and early twenties that I didn’t agree with. Thankfully, we maintained strong relationships as they navigated both the successes and consequences of their choices. Instead of saying, “I told you so,” I opted for a supportive approach, expressing my eagerness to see how they manage the situation while reminding them I’ll always be there for them.
- Reinforcing Grit and Resilience: Your adult children possess grit and resilience built from overcoming past challenges. They may forget the journey of persistence that is often required to achieve success. To help them remember, consider this insight from Module 13 of our Good Dads 2.0 class on Building a Child’s Self-Esteem:
Children need to:
- Take risks in doing something difficult.
- Experience the struggle that comes with accomplishing challenging tasks.
- Remain persistent, even when they face repeated failures. This process ultimately leads to success, helping children internalize the belief, “I can do this.” Instilling this mindset fosters self-confidence and empowers them to face new challenges head-on. Remind your adult children of their previous successes, highlighting how their perseverance shaped their ability to overcome difficulties. This reinforcement is crucial as they navigate the complexities of adulthood.
- Fostering Growth and Iterative Mindsets
- As children transition to young adults, it’s crucial to shift from a focus on performance to fostering a growth mindset. Praise should reflect effort and learning rather than solely on results.
- Instead of saying, “You got great grades; you’re so smart,” we can say, “You worked incredibly hard on your assignments, and those grades reflect that.” Encouragement like this helps them embrace mistakes as opportunities to learn.
- An iterative mindset is equally important. Encourage them to learn from setbacks, explore different approaches and seek feedback—both positive and critical. Reframing challenges and exploring alternative solutions can empower them in overwhelming situations.
Conclusion
Parenting adult children is more about navigation than it is about providing direct solutions. Encouraging them to embrace failure, pivot when necessary and consider new approaches becomes a powerful part of the relationship. When your children know they are unconditionally loved by their father, they can confront life’s challenges more confidently.
Recommended Reading for 2025
If you want to enhance your ability to support your adult children in 2025, consider diving into the following books:
- The Gospel of John: The Message Bible by Eugene H. Peterson
- Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
- Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money—That the Poor and the Middle Class Do Not by Robert Kiyosaki
- Think Ahead: 7 Decisions You Can Make Today for the God-Honoring Life You Want Tomorrow by Craig Groeschel
