When my son whispered that he had said “the s-word” at school, I braced myself.
But what came out of his mouth wasn’t what I expected.
That moment might seem small, but it launched one of the best parenting tools I’ve ever stumbled into. I call it “No Consequence Questions,” and it’s saved us from more meltdowns, misunderstandings and dramatic overreactions than I can count.
Let me tell you how it started.
The Walk
Brighton was in first grade, and it was obvious something was eating at him. Not in the dramatic, stomp-up-the-stairs kind of way. This was the quiet, eyes-on-the-floor kind of worry. Karen had noticed it too, and I figured it was time to do what awesome dads do.
“Wanna go for a walk?” I asked.
He said, “Sure,” in that unsure kind of voice that lets you know he really wants to talk—but needs to know it’s safe.
So we started walking around our neighborhood, and after a few blocks of silence, I tried something new.
“What if I gave you a ‘No Consequence Question’?” I offered.
He looked at me like I had just invented a new kind of math.
“I’m not sure I get you,” he said, his head tilted.
I explained it like this: “It means you can ask me or tell me anything, and I promise there won’t be any punishments. You won’t lose video games, and you won’t get grounded. You might still get some fatherly wisdom, though.”
He nodded slowly, like someone reading the fine print on a contract. Then we walked a little farther, and in the quietest voice, he whispered something I couldn’t quite catch.
I asked him to repeat it.
“I said a curse word at school today,” he admitted.
The S-Word
I took a breath. I stayed calm. That’s the deal with No Consequence Questions.
I told him it was okay. That sometimes we say things we shouldn’t, and part of growing up is learning how to make better choices. His eyes filled with tears, and he wrapped his arms around me in the middle of the sidewalk.
“I’m really sorry,” he said.
“I love you,” I told him. “And it’s fine.”
He smiled, the weight visibly lifting off his little shoulders. We turned and started heading back toward the house. And just because I was curious—and because the No Consequence rule was still in effect—I asked him what word he said.
He looked down, then mumbled, “The s-word.”
Now, I’m an adult. I know a few s-words. My mind was already thumbing through my mental thesaurus.
So I asked again, gently, “What word was it, buddy?”
He hesitated, then finally said and spelled it: “I told someone to… S-H-U-T up.”
I don’t know if you’ve ever had to fight off laughter while also protecting a child’s fragile little self-esteem, but that moment was an Olympic-level parenting event. I somehow managed to keep a straight face and win the gold.
I placed a hand on his shoulder and said, “Let’s just not say that again.”
He grinned, gave me another hug, and ran the rest of the way home.
And I walked in behind him, grinning like a fool and shaking my head.
The Power of the Phrase
Since that day, I’ve had countless No Consequence Conversations with my kids. Questions about school, friends, doubts, big emotions, and things they didn’t know how to ask about. They’ve come to me, sometimes quietly, sometimes in tears, starting with that magic phrase:
“Can this be a No Consequence Question?”
It’s created a space for trust and honesty. A chance for them to learn without fear. And a reminder for me to be the calm in their chaos instead of the storm they’re bracing for.
It started with a first grader and a misunderstood curse word.
It continues because it works.
And I highly recommend it to any parent trying to build more open, honest conversations at home.
All it takes is one walk.
And a promise to listen with grace.
Find more from Maury Wood at his Substack, Grit & Wit.
