Five years ago, I was faced with what I felt to be an insurmountable task: explain to my two kids that their Mom and I would be splitting up and moving into different houses.
I immediately went to the library to find resources to help explain how our family would look and operate, but everything felt outdated or too technical and insincere. So, in an attempt to understand divorce from a child’s perspective, I wrote, “Mom and Dad Live in Different Houses.” This helped me look at our family dynamic without cynicism and anger, but instead with the curiosity and compassion of a child.
My friend Jenny Jing Zhang created illustrations for the story and by the end of that year it had become a children’s book; one that I was proud to share with my friends, family, and anyone I knew with kids who had been through divorce.
The response was overwhelming: my children’s elementary school held readings in classrooms, therapists requested copies for their offices, and I started to believe that this story of compassionate co-parenting could become a resource to more than just my local community. Which is when we decided to adapt it into a film.
With cinematography by Jimmy Liu Nyeango, our 16MM film is a delicate balance between documentary and narrative as it features both my daughter and I. Made with practical effects and wistful home movies (both real and imagined), the award-winning film has premiered in cities across the country and most recently launched online via Omeleto, home of the next generation of filmmakers.
One of the most rewarding experiences on the film festival circuit has been the intimate conversations it’s inspired in theater lobbies after the show. Co-parents, children of divorce, and even those who are just beginning the separation process, have almost always come up to us feeling validated and wanting to share anecdotes of their personal experiences.
Divorce was one of the most painful experiences of my life, one that I will probably always be healing from in some way. But, when it comes to being a Good Dad, I just keep reminding myself to be honest, be present, and be compassionate, which is where my art comes from.
