The oft-heard adage, “Fake it ’till you make it” isn’t perfectly true, but it does contain an important nugget of truth. You see, no one is born with the built-in ability to do things successfully. A newborn infant knows how to cry, feed and sleep. (Maybe a couple of other things also!). All the other skills necessary to live life are learned through experience – trial and error.
Imagine what life would be like if an infant never developed the ability to crawl, speak or walk? It seems impossible to imagine. We often think that these critical life skills “come naturally,” but they are really the result of overcoming many failed attempts. A parent can’t “do it for them;” the infant learns from practice and mistakes. Parents encourage with praise, love and support, but the infant must do the work.
Learning comes through trial and error
The cycle of learning by doing repeats itself over and over in the lives of children. Growing up is all about gaining knowledge and skills through experience—and yes, a degree of failure. Why should being successful in school be any different?
Simply said: It isn’t. The academic and life skills acquired by children in school come about because of their effort and occasional failures. A parent can’t read the books, do the math, conduct the science experiments, and make the social connections that a student in school has to navigate. But there are several important things that a parent can and should do to help their child be successful.
You can’t live your kids’ lives for them
It’s human nature to want to shield and protect our children from difficult and unpleasant things in the world. That’s called love. But carrying that to an extreme by constantly hovering over, or “helicoptering” over our children doesn’t protect them: It simply delays and amplifies those stressful and frustrating experiences for them. Children have to learn how to cope and how to think through the challenges they face to reach a correct decision or answer.
In my opinion, as a step-dad and former educator, the single, most critical thing a parent can do to help their child achieve and persevere in school is to be engaged with their child. Interact, communicate, share, have meals with your child daily! Having those regular interactions will help you understand the frustration level of your child with their schoolwork. Everyone deals with some level of stress in their daily life—including children. It’s normal and to be expected. Understanding that and helping your child deal with that is one of the most important things that a parent can do to point their child toward success in life.
It’s like muscle memory. When a child first attempts to ride a bicycle, they wobble and fall. Through persistence and with parental support and guidance, they figure it out. They become successful bike riders. It’s the same with schoolwork. A parent’s job is to support and guide them.

Foster a sense of curiosity
What can a parent actively do to help their child be successful? Encourage curiosity in your child. Routinely ask questions that require more than a simple “yes” or “no” response. Follow up with questions like “What do you think would happen if…?” The key is to get your youngsters thinking beyond simply what the answer is. It’s about getting them to internalize the process to getting to the correct answer. That’s what develops the thing we call “experience.”
There’s a right way and a wrong way to help with homework
In that same vein, be willing to help your child with their homework. The key word here is “help.” Don’t do the work or simply supply the answer for them. Assist them as they do the work. Guide them with thought-provoking questions that encourage independent thinking.
Be willing to let your child initially fail or get an incorrect answer to guide them to the proper process to achieve the correct answer. There is often as much learning in how to not do something as there is doing it correctly.
Remember the quote of Thomas Edison about his many attempts to create the light bulb – “I will not say I failed 1,000 times, I will say that I found 1,000 ways that won’t work.”
Give extra care to STEM subjects
Another way to help encourage perseverance and success is to get your child involved in activities that foster creativity and logical thinking. Legos, word puzzles, mazes and other STEM activities teach children to reason and do multi-step problem-solving. Simple building activities like working together to build a doghouse for the pet or putting together a model kit is a great way to spend quality time together with your child and help them succeed.
Be a role model
Finally, as a parent, model patience and perseverance. Your child sees how you interact with the world every day. If you show that you can deal with most of the twists and turns that daily living brings your way, your child will come to understand that they can do it, too. After all, a parent is a child’s very first teacher, aren’t they?
Keep the momentum going
If you and your student still have the itch for learning, now’s the perfect time to get involved with Good Dads Strong Schools. This monthly before-school program makes it fun and easy for dads and father-figures to connect on a character-building topic.
Find out more about how you can bring Strong Schools to your school here.