From managing budgets and personal schedules, keeping up with housework, finding a work-life balance and taking care of the kids is enough to make some parents’ heads spin. Once you add children to the mix, the romantic relationship between their parents begins to change. With the hustle and bustle of life as a parent, the romantic partner you were head-over-heels for at the beginning of the relationship is starting to feel more like a roommate or even a coworker.
Does this sound familiar?
In a previous Good Dads blog, we explored how romance looks different after having children. But just because it looks different doesn’t mean your romance is dead–far from it! Whether you’ve been with your partner for two years or twenty, communication is key to a successful relationship.
This week, we spoke with Good Dads board member and father Dillon Low about how he and his wife of six years, Sarah, juggle romance, parenting and the busyness of life.
Be proactive with communication
Good dads know that great parenting means great teamwork. But what does effective teamwork look like? For Dillon and Sarah, it boils down to frequent and proactive communication.
“Find ways to communicate with each other so you’re on the same page,” he said. “Having a united front is super important.”
Communicating isn’t always the easiest thing to do when you’re a busy parent, but it’s crucial in order to solve problems and stay consistent.
For example, their three-year-old son, Ozzie, learned there are some instances where if mom tells him no, dad will tell him yes, and vice versa. If Dillon and Sarah hadn’t been communicating properly, they likely would have been none the wiser! Making sure you’re on the same page as your coparent is important, and the only way to do that is through communication.
“Communicating with each other and seeing what works for us, and for (Ozzie) as well, is key,” he said.
Share the load with your partner
“When life gets busy, it sometimes gets really tough to stay connected with each other,” Dillon admitted. When it comes to keeping the romance alive, staying emotionally connected to your partner is key. What are some ways that dads can accomplish this?
To create a better connection, helping one another and paying attention to each other’s needs is crucial. For Dillon and Sarah, the mental load each partner has isn’t going to be the same every day.
Dillon knows that one way Sarah feels loved is acts of service. If he knows she’s had a tough day at work, he’s more than willing to take some things off her plate, whether that’s doing the dishes, taking out the trash or cleaning the garage.
The same goes for Dillon: Sometimes a break or moment of silence can help after he’s had a tough day of his own. While the workload and mood will very each day, communicating and working together can help prevent one partner from carrying more of the load.
“(Sarah) is more than my wife; she’s my partner and mother of my son,” Dillon said. “A partnership includes stepping up when you need to and working constantly to make sure she feels valued, and she does the same.”
Find small ways to show your love
What’s the biggest way you stay connected with your partner through thick and thin?
“Knowing we’re in each other’s corners 100 percent of the time,” Dillon said.
Sharing the workload is a piece of this puzzle, but another piece comes in the form of acts of love. Some people might picture the grand romantic gestures found in your typical rom-com, but usually, the smallest acts of love can make the biggest difference.
“Making time for each other is huge,” Dillon said. “It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. It’s as simple as ordering coffee, sending flowers, scheduling a date night or just saying “I love you,” and “I’m thinking about you.’”
Reminding your partner how much you love them and finding ways to recharge emotionally and mentally can go a long way in a healthy relationship. Parenthood has its stresses, but there are blessings too. Dillon describes it as “exhausting in a beautiful way.”
“If anything, I’ve fallen more in love with (Sarah)—especially through being a parent,” he said.
Be intentional
On some of our previous blogs, we’ve discussed what it means to be an intentional dad. But what does being an intentional partner look like? Like with being an intentional father, it’s about being present, communicating and showing that you care.
One example of this could be setting aside time together or scheduling a date night. Like with showing love for your partner, date night doesn’t have to be extravagant or break the bank!
Some of Dillon and Sarah’s best date nights have involved dinner at Olive Garden and walking around Target or Walmart afterward. Typically, with a three-year-old in tow, Dillon admitted trips to the store can be a little chaotic! When it’s just the two of them, they can take their time. But that doesn’t mean they stop thinking about their son entirely.
“With the amount of date nights we’ve been on, I can’t think of a single time we haven’t said, ‘I miss Ozzie,’” he chuckled. “It doesn’t matter what you do, but you’re spending and valuing time together with your partner through simple stuff like that.”
Final Words
Needless to say, Dillon and Sarah are busy parents! But through intentional communication and teamwork, the two have strengthened their marriage as their son continues to grow.
“(Sarah) knows no matter how busy the schedule gets, if she needs me to be home, I’ll drop whatever I’m doing (because) she’s my priority,” Dillon said. “No matter how big the mountain we have to climb, at the end of the day, we are each other’s biggest priority.”
